2010-2012

2010 has been one of those challenging years. We started the year with going to Costa Rica for my sister's wedding. Then when we got back Derek and I knew a change was going to happen, little did we know that WE were the change. We resigned from lead Pastors from the church we were pastoring in Hinton, and began the transitional life altering change.We moved to Calgary Aug 1. We have started a business called Jirah Concrete Design. We came up with that name from the HEbrew word Jehovah Jirah, which means "My God the Provider" We are believing that God will be our ultimate provider.I invite you to to check out our website http://www.jirahconcretedesign.com/ Derek has worked very long hours, which has forced our family to draw close to each other, as that is all who we have.I am believing good things to happen and shift in 2011. I believe that 2010 was a year of "calling out". 2011 is a year that God is going to TURN. Turning our circumstances torwards our God ordained destiny. "He directs the steps of a righteous man". Just like Nehemiah in the Bible. He was a leader to which God called. He was rebuilding the walls of the ruined city of Jerusalum. He endured great challenges and great opposition to which his enemies were trying to kill him and all those who were trying to rebuild the walls. The workers would work with a hammer in one hand to rebuild the wall, and a sword in the other hand to fight off the enemies.I relate to Nehemiah right now. I feel great opposition and fierce forces against me and my family. However I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Nehemiah finished what he started. Philipians 1:6 .6For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.I encourage anyone that is reading this to keep going!!

Who am I?-From "The Journals of a CRaCkEd POT mom"

These past two years I have been asking myself  "Who am I?" I grew up in Hinton, Alberta. High School wasn't easy nor was it too fun. After High School I moved to Edmonton and vowed I'd NEVER move back to Hinton.Well 6 years later I moved back with my to- be husband Derek, and remained there for 13 years! During those 13 years we struggled, succeeded and overcame many times over again. Two years ago we moved to Calgary, and I thought I really knew who I was, because I had conquored all my "demons" in Hinton.

Well I was wrong. Upon moving to Calgary I had everything I'd known about myself "stipped" away from me. One of the obstacles that I overcame while living in Hinton was my weight. I went on a weight loss journey for three years and lost 60 pounds. It felt very good, amazing actually! Well two years later I have gained 30 pounds since living here in Calgary. I felt in Hinton I had somewhat of a voice and influence and becoming the change that I wanted to see. Moving here I felt I have lost my voice, why would anyone listen to me? In Hinton we started to become financially successful, and getting ahead. Moving here, lost it all!

I understand how the Isrealites felt when they were being led out of Egypt. They started to complain and yearn to go back to being slaves in Egypt. Exodus 14:11 "“Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?I know that God has called us out of Hinton, and to start a new life here in Calgary. Not only have we had to start all over again, but God has torn down the old foundation, and He is rebuilding a brand new foundation for our life. Being torn down, broken, and re-molded is NOT fun. However being pieced back together, and rebuilt brick by brick with brand new, and STRONGER materials is worth it! With God's correction,redemption,restoration, forgivness,grace, and mercy as the mortar that make the bricks stick together makes for an awesome CRACKED POT.

As I was running one day in the beautiful trails right in front of my house, I had tears streaming down my face crying out to God "WHO AM I?" I'm sure my passerbyers were looking at me strangely, but I didn't care. I heard God's voice say "You KNOW who you are... You need to get back to that place." Well I'm getting back there. We have to remember our roots, our steps before sometimes in order to go forward. But once we are MOVING forward don't look back to your past. It's very hard to plow a straight path for our future seeds to be planted, if we are busy looking behind us. In order for the seeds to grow, we have to have futile,soft, ripe soil.

Like I said in my past blog, God speaks to me through silly kid movies. 1 Corithinans 1:27 (msg)"Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."  So as I was driving the kids they were watching "Kung Fu Panda". IT was one of the last scenes of the movie: When Po (The unlikely chosen Dragon Warrior) was fighting Thai-Lung (The big bad guy). Thai-Lung says to Po "You can't defeat me, you are just a big, fat, panda" IT's what Po said next that I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me loudly, and clearly "I'm not just a big fat panda... I'm THE big fat panda". I felt God say to me" When the devil is taunting you with "Who do you think you are, you are just this, and that, don't forget you did this....blah blah, etc etc"..God said very loudly in my spirit "You tell him that you are THE TAMMY BELZILE.. child and joint Heir of God, I knew you before you were formed in your Mothers' womb... A Chosen generation, Royal Priest hood. The same spirit that raised Christ from the Dead dwells in me, and I can DO ALL things through Christ who Strengthens me!!!! This my friends is who I am. And this is who you are!

I am NOT my past, I am NOT the words that people have spoken against me,I am NOT my mistakes,nor was I a mistake, and I am NOT my feelings. I am what God tells me who I am. And I can only know that if and when I read the Word of God. "But no weapon that is used against you will succeed. People might bring charges against you. But you will prove that they are wrong. Those are the things I do for my servants. I make everything right for them," announces the Lord.: Isaiah 54:16-17

I challenge, and encourage you my friend to fully, and truly know who you are... because when you do, you will become an undefeated,unstoppable,unshakable effective weapon against the enemy. When we walk into and start to believe God's truth about us, nothing can stop us. IF God is for you, who can be against you. With walking in God's confidence we can change other people's lives and speak life, which will start to change YOUR world, which is a start to changing the culture of this hopeless world. Who needs to hear the love of Jesus? Tell someone what He has done to change your life, and not only speak it to someone... LIVE IT!!!

Wax on...Wax off

I'm writing this straight from my heart as it is very fresh. Lately I have been feeling very strong about the call that I feel God has placed in my life. However I have not yet received or "got" the whole vision, and or picture of how I'm going to get there. Currently I'm finishing my book "Self-Imposed Prison", as this has been one of the things that I have wanted to do. Along with becoming an author, I am also starting to speak and share my testimony about what God has miraculous done in my life. However the doors are not opening up fast enough in my liking. So just this morning as I'm reading my Bible, I started to pray and truly seek God about "my calling", and I asked Him "how come it's not coming together as fast as I'd like it to." God speaks to me in all sorts of ways: I hear his voice clearly, sometimes he gives me a vision, and sometimes he gives me scenarios from movies. I find as I'm watching a movie (especially kids cartoons) the Holy Spirit really speaks clearly to me about life and the perception of "life. So this morning this is what I felt God drop into my heart: It's from the movie "Karate Kid". When the karate kid's master was training and teaching him, there is a nortious scene where he teaches the kid to wash his car. And the master clearly said "Wax on... wax off" and showed him the motions on how to do just that. He never said why he was showing him to do that, or even the purpose. Well the kid would furiously and stubbornly do as his master told him. But all the while, thought he was being taken advantage of because he thought the master only was using him to wash his car. During this frustrating time of training, the kid learned to submit and obey, and in due time the kid finally figured out why he had to learn "wax on... wax off." It was during practicing (although at the time he never knew he was practicing) those repetitious, boring "moves" that won him the tournament later in the movie. Well are you getting my point? If someone feels a call in their life, God sees your heart, and in order for our hearts to align with God's, He needs to develop our character. My suggestion is not only watch movies, but getting into The Word, knowing it, imprinting it in your heart. The more we know the Word, the more we know Him, and in the end the more we know ourselves.

I have to admit when I felt God saying this to me. I wasn't at all happy. In fact the tears started to flow. I reacted exactly how the kid acted in Karate Kid. I felt frustrated, disappointed, and a little angry. But I quickly recovered and really started to think about this. God knows me far better than I know myself. He will know exactly the time when I'm ready to fully go! Right now I'm getting a huge character lesson. We all have giftings, but in order to fully flourish in our giftings we have to have STRONG character. I believe our character needs to be even stronger than our giftings. I am learning to be faithful with the little things, in order for God to give me more and more and more. "Man makes their plans, but God directs their steps."

I love the saying that Joyce Meyer has "The light shines brighter through cracked pots". Notice it doesn't say "crack pots" well I am a CRACKED pot, and it was ONLY through God's grace that rebuilt my "pot."Therefore allowing His light to shine brightly through the cracks. These cracks represent God's grace, mercy, and love. Only He can get glorified through my life. Because if I did things my way, I wouldn't be anywhere near where I am today. I am a very blessed woman, blessings that I don't deserve, but because of God's mercies and goodness I live a life of freedom. I also want to point out that God doesn't see a cracked pot, he sees a perfectly sculpted,whole pot. And I think we all need to see ourselves through the eyes of Jesus, and how He sees us. When I get my eyes off of me and onto Him, and others I'm so much more effective. There are so many broken people that have needs that should be met. We pray for God to help them, when actually it is US that are the answer to our own prayers. So how do we help? The needs of the world can be overwhelming. But by just saying yes to that one person,we can make a whole world of a difference to that one.(I heard from Andy Stanley) Which in return that person would effect another person, and the domino's of helping others start to flow. I believe that when we are real, and allow people to see who we really are, speaks volumes. We never know what kind of seeds we are planting in peoples lives by just being the real us.

So I guess now I will go empty my dishwasher, fill it, feed my kids lunch, wash my floor and throw in a load of laundry. Wax on.... Wax off!

In the Eye of the Storm

IN THE EYE OF THE STORM

Here is my story: My reasoning for sharing is simple: To bring hope and freedom to someone that may think that they "got dealt the wrong set of cards". To put it bluntly, yet simply; I'm nothing short of a miracle.

My mother found herself pregnant and alone at the age of 19 years old. It was however, her own choice to be alone, as my biological father would have gladly helped her in any way he could. She, along with my grandparents went to the doctor to discuss her "options". A- abortion, B- To have me. Well the doctor along with my grandparents were uring her to go with option A, so rebelliously she chose B. I along with my husband, and children thank her for chosing option A... having me. God says in his Word that "He knew us before he formed us in the womb"... "You are fearfully and wonderfully made". I don't believe that any human being is an "oops" or a mistake. God also does not make any junk, nor mistakes.

The first five years of my life, would be that of which no child should have. However during that time, I was a happy child. At the age of three I found myself knocking door to door in my underwear asking for food, as there was none at home. My mother would wash my hair in cold water repeatedly as our electricity had been cut off. We lived by candelite, which I thought at the time was fun,and cool but the reason is again we had no electricity. One day my mother decided that she would take off for a couple of days, leaving me to fend on my own. I was about 4 at the time. I asked her about 13 years ago why she would do this. Her defence was she had asked my 7 year old friend to ask his mom to look after me, and she assumed that all the arrangements were taken care of. So a person can see what kind of state her mind was in.

Well when she decided to come back social services and police had already been called. I remember a lot from my childhood, but that event I do not. I was taken in a police car screaming for my mother, and she too was screaming for me, all the while scratching the skin off the poor police officer's face.

I was placed in a foster home for a month. But thankfully I had an aunt that lived in BC and she temporarily had custody of me. I lived with her for six months. Her goal was to reconcile me with my mother. But my mother was not ready (nor has she yet) to take responsiblity and change her lifestyle. While I was living with my Aunt Carol the power went out one time in her house due to a thunder storm. I was 5 at the time, and while my other cousins were hiding under the table because of the darkness, I stormed up to her, putting my hands on my hips and declared "Auntie Carol did you pay your power bill this month?" We all get a good laugh now at that story.

Well enter in two of the most amazing people I know: My parents who raised me. Pat and Dennis. At the time I had called them Auntie Patty and Uncle Den. My mother and Pat are sisters. They have been part of my life since birth. If anyone has experienced adoption in one way or another, understands this statement: "Spirit is thicker than Blood". One story that my dad (uncle Den) tells, and he cannot tell this story without the tears streaming. Well I can't tell the story without my tears streaming: I was about three at the time, they were over visiting, and I had crawled up on his knee ,and lovingly I looked into this eyes and said "Uncle Den will you take me home and be my dad?"

They came from Alberta and were able to obtain permanant custody of me. Two years prior of me living with them they had a son. Unfortunately their son Shane passed away six hours after he was born. He had a condition called spina bifida.

So I started Grade one in Hinton, Alberta. My mother (Jane) hitchiked from Kamloops, BC to Hinton and kidnapped me from school. She then got me to stand on the side of the highway and stick out my thumb to hitchike. We hitched rides all the way to Kamloops. Pat and Den were desperately trying to find me, finally they found that we were hiding in this pretty "shady" motel. IT was another scene of me screaming for my mother and her screaming. But as soon as I got into their car I fell asleep all the way to Hinton. When I woke up I instantly called them "mom and dad". I will refer to Pat and Den as mom and dad now.

Jane tried another kidnap attempt, but failed. However she visited Pat at her work place, who was pregnant again, this time with my sister Lindsay. Jane then proceeded to punch Pat in her pregnant belly. God divinely protected Lindsay and Pat from any harm.

My sister Lindsay was born, then three years later my brother Shawn. I lived in Hinton until I was 18.

I met my husband Derek when I was 12 years old. My parents just started attending the Church that Derek and his family attended as well. Our first romantic encounter was this: We both were in the Christmas play; he Joseph, me Gabrielle the Angel. We were back stage and he along with his friends were poking fun at me. I had always been tall and lanky for my age. But when you are a 12 year old boy, teasing was another from of flirting. But I didn't feel the same way. I picked him up by the scruff of the neck pushed him against the stucco wall and told him "to go to hell".. I was a little rough around the edges, back then. His family moved away to the Crownest Pass to plant a Church shortly after that. He came for a visit when we were both 14. Well it's amazing what the difference is from 12 years to 14 years of age. We were both infatuated with each other.We were able to still see each other over the next few years. Back then, we didn't have cell phones, internet, or fax so we did the old fashion thing and wrote letters to each other. I still have all his letters. I knew at the age of 15 that I was going to marry this guy, however it wasn't until 10 years later that we actually said "I do" to each other.

Derek and I were married on Sept 26, 1998. One of the best days of my life. Over the next 13 years we owned,operated and sold a business, had four boys, bought and sold two houses,then we both entered into the ministry full time.

In August 2010 we moved our family to Calgary. My husband started a business, but within one year we had to close it down. During 2011 we lost all our life savings. 2011 was probably one of the most difficult years of my life. Our world was rocked. Our faith was shaken, our marriage, our life. But God's word says that we are overcomers! Derek was able to get a new job in the beginning of 2012. Derek and I are not only still standing, but we are stronger than ever. After going through what we went through, makes you evaluate what is important in life. Simply, money can be replaced, however loved ones cannot.So I am thankful and grateful for what I do have; an amazing loving husband, four strong healthy boys. You can come out of the fire burnt or refined. I'm choosing to be refined. I can say through all this, a lot of impurities have come out of me. A lot of things had risen to the surface that were quite ugly.

Forgiveness is a choice. It's really that simple. Coming to that realization is not. I have chosen to forgive as to not keep the poison inside of me. "What Satan has meant for evil, God will turn to good for those who love Him". I am a free woman! I am free from unforgivenvess,bitterness,resentment, and depression. I wasn't always free, it took me awhile. I delved into His Word. When I did that I learned, and discovered who God was, therefore discovering who I was. I was so busy blaming everyone else for my problems, and issues, but God would always bring it back to me. I heard God say to me one day "You are not little miss perfect yourself." The depression that I was heavily under, God revealed to me was the fruit of my own judgement. "Mercy triumphs over judgement". I came to forgivness through my own repentance. It was at that moment that God gave me beauty for ashes.

I love sharing my story as it is one of hope, healing, and freedom! God is no judger of person. God turned my mess into my message. He can do the very same thing for you!!!