Who am I?-From "The Journals of a CRaCkEd POT mom"

These past two years I have been asking myself  "Who am I?" I grew up in Hinton, Alberta. High School wasn't easy nor was it too fun. After High School I moved to Edmonton and vowed I'd NEVER move back to Hinton.Well 6 years later I moved back with my to- be husband Derek, and remained there for 13 years! During those 13 years we struggled, succeeded and overcame many times over again. Two years ago we moved to Calgary, and I thought I really knew who I was, because I had conquored all my "demons" in Hinton.

Well I was wrong. Upon moving to Calgary I had everything I'd known about myself "stipped" away from me. One of the obstacles that I overcame while living in Hinton was my weight. I went on a weight loss journey for three years and lost 60 pounds. It felt very good, amazing actually! Well two years later I have gained 30 pounds since living here in Calgary. I felt in Hinton I had somewhat of a voice and influence and becoming the change that I wanted to see. Moving here I felt I have lost my voice, why would anyone listen to me? In Hinton we started to become financially successful, and getting ahead. Moving here, lost it all!

I understand how the Isrealites felt when they were being led out of Egypt. They started to complain and yearn to go back to being slaves in Egypt. Exodus 14:11 "“Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt?I know that God has called us out of Hinton, and to start a new life here in Calgary. Not only have we had to start all over again, but God has torn down the old foundation, and He is rebuilding a brand new foundation for our life. Being torn down, broken, and re-molded is NOT fun. However being pieced back together, and rebuilt brick by brick with brand new, and STRONGER materials is worth it! With God's correction,redemption,restoration, forgivness,grace, and mercy as the mortar that make the bricks stick together makes for an awesome CRACKED POT.

As I was running one day in the beautiful trails right in front of my house, I had tears streaming down my face crying out to God "WHO AM I?" I'm sure my passerbyers were looking at me strangely, but I didn't care. I heard God's voice say "You KNOW who you are... You need to get back to that place." Well I'm getting back there. We have to remember our roots, our steps before sometimes in order to go forward. But once we are MOVING forward don't look back to your past. It's very hard to plow a straight path for our future seeds to be planted, if we are busy looking behind us. In order for the seeds to grow, we have to have futile,soft, ripe soil.

Like I said in my past blog, God speaks to me through silly kid movies. 1 Corithinans 1:27 (msg)"Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."  So as I was driving the kids they were watching "Kung Fu Panda". IT was one of the last scenes of the movie: When Po (The unlikely chosen Dragon Warrior) was fighting Thai-Lung (The big bad guy). Thai-Lung says to Po "You can't defeat me, you are just a big, fat, panda" IT's what Po said next that I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me loudly, and clearly "I'm not just a big fat panda... I'm THE big fat panda". I felt God say to me" When the devil is taunting you with "Who do you think you are, you are just this, and that, don't forget you did this....blah blah, etc etc"..God said very loudly in my spirit "You tell him that you are THE TAMMY BELZILE.. child and joint Heir of God, I knew you before you were formed in your Mothers' womb... A Chosen generation, Royal Priest hood. The same spirit that raised Christ from the Dead dwells in me, and I can DO ALL things through Christ who Strengthens me!!!! This my friends is who I am. And this is who you are!

I am NOT my past, I am NOT the words that people have spoken against me,I am NOT my mistakes,nor was I a mistake, and I am NOT my feelings. I am what God tells me who I am. And I can only know that if and when I read the Word of God. "But no weapon that is used against you will succeed. People might bring charges against you. But you will prove that they are wrong. Those are the things I do for my servants. I make everything right for them," announces the Lord.: Isaiah 54:16-17

I challenge, and encourage you my friend to fully, and truly know who you are... because when you do, you will become an undefeated,unstoppable,unshakable effective weapon against the enemy. When we walk into and start to believe God's truth about us, nothing can stop us. IF God is for you, who can be against you. With walking in God's confidence we can change other people's lives and speak life, which will start to change YOUR world, which is a start to changing the culture of this hopeless world. Who needs to hear the love of Jesus? Tell someone what He has done to change your life, and not only speak it to someone... LIVE IT!!!