I don't want to or mean to be controversial, but whenever one challenges the thinking of what we have been taught for years and years, apparently it is then controversial.
I want to talk about the lovely Proverbs 31 woman. When I was a teenager, and a young woman I would read this verse, and feel yet again the strain and pressure of being the perfect Christian, and woman. I already had been told that I had a rebellious spirit and what kind of man would want to marry me with such an unsubmissive heart. So reading this verse I yet again concluded that I simply don't measure up, and yes what kind of man would want to marry me. So at age 21 I vowed that I would NEVER marry, or have children, let alone become a Pastors wife.
From the ages of 21-23 I did just that, rebelled in every way I possibly could. I gave up. It was just too hard to be perfect. Unfortunately I had to hit rock bottom to finally see the light, or perhaps it was a shadow. I wanted to kill myself. I thought that this was the answer and way out. I was crumpled on the bathroom floor of my friends apartment, sobbing, and planning how I was going to kill myself. That's when God showed up. I literally felt Him pick me up off the floor, brush me off, and gently but firmly remind me all the people that love me and how hurtful this act would be to them. I pulled myself together, made an excuse to my friend that her cats were causing my eyes to become red and swollen and left abruptly. That's when I went on a deep journey to discover who God really is. I literally had to erase all that I had been taught, and to learn the Word of God for myself.
I rededicated myself to God. But one thing just did not sit well in my stomach. I didn't want to become a "church person". It took me many many years after and a whole paradigm shift of thinking to finally get set free from "church". Please hear me. I love Gods church as it is His Bride. But if I may be so bold to say, we His church have made many mistakes to represent Jesus. I had to be set free from all the religiosity and legalities of the "church" in order to move forward. We are human. Pastors, elders, deacons, leaders are all human and make mistakes. I can't find one person that I know that has not been hurt by the church in one way or another. So does that mean that we just give up on God's church? Absolutely not! Change, yes, but the church is not obsolete. I believe that honor is key. I honor my leaders,Pastors, as their job is not easy, and the last thing we as Christians need to do is tear down His Bride.
When I started to date my now husband, it was the happiest time of my life. So happy that I actually started to put him on a pedestal and make him my god. Derek showed me love, grace, and mercy that I hadn't known. So when we got married, and he had to work late nights, and long hours, all of a sudden this "god" of mine was disappointing me. I became very depressed and had such a distorted view of what happiness really was. It took some years to get the focus off of ME. It wasn't fair of me to put my husband on a pedestal, as the only way is down. After our second child was born, I really started a spiritual growth journey. I started to discover who God was, and that I was putting my identity and self worth in all the wrong areas. I needed to put my identity, and worth in HIM, and what He says about me in His Word. After I switched my focus onto Jesus and not ME, my life, my marriage, everything turned around. I looked at life with a whole new view and perspective.
Now back to the Proverbs 31 woman. When I fully discovered, and understood that this verse was based on the wise words of Basheba to her son Solomon in what to find in a wife, it set me free.When reading this infamous and notorious scripture verse, I believe that it is a great example to try and model our life after. However we as women tend to look at other women and measure ourselves accordingly. I know many women who have four kids and are a lot skinnier than me. I know a lot of women who have cleaner houses than me, who are more organized, better cooks, and bakers than me. Who are so creative with sewing,scrap booking, etc. Who are smarter... Well I can just make a huge list and go on and on and on. And to be honest, when I measure myself with these other women I just feel like a complete and total failure! So I had to take the long way around in life (yes a pattern that I'm fixing) and discover who I am. That I need to measure myself to what God says about ME. This is what He says about me (and you) Psalm 139:13-15 "I am fearfully, and wonderfully made" Jeremiah 29:11"I have plans for you, to prosper you, not to harm you, but give you hope for your future". These are two of my favorite verses. When I would complain about my body as a teenager, my mother would always say that over me "You are fearfully and wonderfully made". It took me many years, but I think it is beginning to sink in.
I encourage and challenge you to not measure your life with other peoples lives. Because more than you know they are probably doing the same thing and looking at you, wishing they were more like you. Be set free in knowing who you are in what God says about you. Jesus did not come from a "perfect" heritage. He has a prostitute, murderer, adulterer all in his lineage. God chose the least of the least to carry out His work. If you look in the scriptures, God never chose the most educated,most talented, best looking to represent Him. Because honestly it isn't about us, it's about God and who He is. It's about having a dream bigger than ourselves. Living a generous life. Loving people despite their faults. Loving people different from us. Forgiving and letting go of offenses QUICKLY. God never promised a life without storms, difficulties, or hardship. What He has done, and promised is that HE will never leave us nor forsake us. He is right there in the middle of the furnace with us.
When we try to measure up to anyone, or anything there is only a long road of defeat, feelings of failure, isolation, and loneliness. God is no respecter of persons. He doesn't compare you, or measure you to the next. So why should you?
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